“Are we going to jump the broom?” Angelo asked me that question trying his best to sound neutral but I knew his answer. We were both hoping the other person wanted to do it. It was one of my favorite conversations during our wedding planning process. On the one hand is the ancestral significance and on the other hand is the very present jump from ‘I’ to ‘we.’ Angelo’s personal vows to me (which received and deserved uproarious applause) spoke to that journey: the acknowledgment of the past, the switch from ‘I’ to ‘we’ and the foundation we lay for our future.
If you are planning a wedding, it is my prayer that you have a few special moments in the midst of the craziness. I hope these last few tips help you plan your special day with more ease.
What He Wants Matters
There’s one thing missing from the “It’s your day” bridal motto: the groom. Isn’t he getting married too?! Isn’t this also the biggest day of his life? If I was marrying myself, maybe it can be it all about me. But since there is a dude involved, he should have a say too, right?!
All my life I ascribed to the “It’s your (the bride) day” philosophy. The first time that belief was challenged was when Angelo had an opinion about something related to the wedding and I thought, “that’s odd!.” It wasn’t the content of his comment that I found strange; I just found it odd that he was actively engaged in the planning. I mean, don’t the guys get dragged everywhere against their will?
My perspective officially changed when Angelo and I were in a vendor meeting and the vendor turned to me and said, “Well, it’s your day so what do you want?” Sitting directly across from me was my fiancé and it was then that I made the more than obvious realization: I am marrying him; how could this possibly be just my day?!
I need a historian or a sociologist to verify this thought, but it seems the bride only focus was some sort of momentary counter balance to the patriarchal encounter that would be the rest of her life. If that’s the case, then “It’s The Bride’s Day” is sooo pre- 21st century.
I know ladies! It’s tough!! We were sold a false bill of goods our whole life and it’s hard to let go of because, let’s be real, who doesn’t want a day that is all about them?! But repeat after me: What He Wants Matters, What He Wants Matters… Get this in your system now so you don’t have to say goodbye to your seemingly justifiable self-centeredness in the middle of the planning process…. What He Wants Matters….What He Wants Matters….
The Inner Life of a Bridezilla
I used to think these women were the shining example of unfairness for single girls. My friend Carmella and I used to watch the show together and talk mad smack about their trifling ways. But after planning a wedding in 3 months, I have discovered the place of empathy. Underneath the layers of ratchetness is just a girl who wants the wedding of her dreams. Now I don’t identify with being ratchet; that’s a choice of behavior. But what I do own is the frustration of trying your best to make plans and hitting so many hurdles along the way combined with the haze of feeling overwhelmed by the unyielding list of things to do in the process.
Have you ever looked forward to something for days, months or years? Spent too many moments to count dreaming of what that day would look and feel like? That’s an expectation, my friend, and it’s easier said than done to say goodbye to one that has lived inside of you for so long. That is the dilemma every bride or groom endures; there is no wedding I know of (regardless of budget) where some (hopefully tiny) part of the dream doesn’t have to die for some reason or other. How you handle those disappointments is what distinguishes you as a bride or a bridezilla (or groom/groomzilla).
Did you know that you can have more than two colors for your wedding? I sure didn’t when we got started. I believed the unspoken 2 color maximum rule. The first time somebody asked me about our colors, which were purple, charcoal, champagne and yellow, I prepared to hear that we were doing too much. But surprisingly everyone who asked (and there were many) seemed to love the color scheme. In any event, it is apparently okay to have as many colors as you want. J
Laughter Is the Best Medicine
Planning a wedding is fantastically stressful. I remember a friend told me that she didn’t care for the planning part of her wedding. Yes, now I get her! There are soooooo many unexpected ancillary aspects to getting married. Unless you have unlimited funds, you’re trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents. And then there’s figuring out who you’re not going to invite which is socially horrifying if you’re a people pleaser. There is a magnitude of opportunities for mental distress. Laughter is a Godsend and hallelujah—it’s free!
We were over budget in our wedding. We had a couple of unexpected expenses so our budget was not only red, but red & flashing. We were in a bit of a bind because the venue we used required us to use one of their caterers. Unfortunately, none of them were in our budget. While very low on options, one catering manager got back to me and told me the best she could do was double our budget limit. I remember dreading the phone call to Angelo telling him the news. He paused for a moment and then started laughing. And then he laughed louder. And then he laughed some more. And although we still had the problem, life didn’t suck as much. The laughter didn’t in any way solve our problem; but it did lighten the load of gloom surrounding us. Sometimes, you can soften the intensity of the suckiness. [FYI: The last caterer we tried was able to work within our budget.]
You Have One Job the Day of Your Wedding
The #1 piece of advice I heard from past brides was to enjoy the day. Yes, your wedding day will have trouble of its own [see Crazy Happens]. Your only job for this day is to soak and indulge in every second of wedding day euphoric bliss. That’s it! If you start to worry about anything, stop yourself immediately and reclaim your bliss. Your wedding day goes by soooooo fast; please enjoy every second!
Dear Single People Who Are Looking to Get Married Someday: I hope you archive these tips and refer back to them when Mr. or Mrs. Right comes your way. And if it can spare you from a tiny bit of undue stress, my mission is accomplished.